Chances are you've heard the saying "the third time is the charm"—the idea that the third time around, things generally work out.

But let's think about it for a moment.

If the third time is the charm, what does that make the first and second times?

Not the charm.

Reframing the experience of gaining experience

This simple reframe changed everything about how I approach learning and trying new things.

Imagine starting that new hobby, launching that side project, or learning that skill you've been putting off - without the crushing weight of needing to get it "right" the first time.

What if instead of months of mental preparation and perfectionist paralysis, you could just... begin? And enjoy the messy, imperfect process of getting better.

Considering this perspective, we can alleviate the pressure of learning and trying new things. We can lower that massive "beginner's paralysis"—that heavy resistance we feel before starting something new.

In fact, just doing "the thing" to any degree is a success the first two times.

Your first three steps

The first time we do something, we are true beginners with no prior experience. We feel shaky and uncertain—a doe trying its legs out for the first time.

The toddler, teeter-tottering forward, head weighted with ambition and legs doing their best to keep up.

This discomfort isn't a sign we're incapable. It's just inexperience talking.

The second time, we have the first experience to fall back upon; a single-layer foundation to compare and contrast with.

It's no longer new, but it's not familiar yet either.

It's here that we begin to find nuance, adding texture to our mental models as understanding grows and merges with our existing worldviews. Learning which levers we can pull on, and what the feedback loop looks like. What feels the same as the first attempt—and what feels different.

The third time is where the fun begins. Our comfort levels rise. Our anxiety drops. Our confidence grows. We know we can, because we have.

We still won't be great.

Odds are, we won't even be good. But we will be familiar.

And that's the charm.

Because with those three attempts, you're on your way. Something that was unknown, abstract, and potentially frustrating is now familiar, concrete, and ready to be conquered.

Building transferable confidence

This is the power of experience. Of putting yourself out there, leaping into uncertainty over and over again, until it's not so much a leap but a hop, not so frightening, but exhilarating.

This mentality builds on itself and translates to everything else.

Like pushing yourself to new peaks in the gym teaches you that hard things and results can be achieved through consistent effort; once you teach yourself this lesson, your fear and uncertainty about trying new things becomes a smaller molehill instead of a mountain. This applies to all the mountains in your life.

Personally, this mentality has helped me in innumerable ways: reducing perfectionism, taking pressure off, and allowing me to jump into new experiences without feeling like I have to get it right on the first try.

Whether it's learning to code, trying a new recipe, or starting difficult conversations - the pressure melts away once you remember it's not the charm, not yet.

The simple 3-step framework to learn anything

So to sum that up:

First, lower your expectations. Do "the thing" with the bar on the ground (but aim to leap over it, of course). Have fun and treat it as a pure learning experience to lay the foundation.

Second, mindfully experience. Pull on some levers and observe. What's different this time? What's the same? Take notes and meta-analyze your progress; retro and reflection can be the most powerful part of any feedback loop when applied consciously (and consistently).

The third is the charm, and you're off.

Remember: "it's uncomfortable because you are inexperienced, not because you are incapable."

See you on the fourth try, and beyond!

What's something you've been putting off? Remember: the first time doesn't need to be the charm.

It just needs to be the start.